Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, playing over and over for hours? Maybe you tried to drown it out, only to find it kept coming back. Most of us have had that experience, and we handle it fine. For some people, though, repetitive and unwanted thoughts become a real struggle — especially when the thoughts are disturbing.
What intrusive thoughts are
Intrusive thoughts are thoughts, images, memories, or words that keep coming up, even when you try to make them stop. What makes them hard is that they often seem "dangerous" in some way. They can be sexual, violent, or profane, and they tend to go against everything you care about.
Most people who have intrusive thoughts have no desire or intention to act on them. They just can't make the thoughts stop.
A thought is not an intention
This is worth being very clear about: an intrusive thought does not mean you want to do what it shows you. There's a big difference between having a thought about something violent and actually wanting to do it. If someone does intend to act on a thought, that's a different problem, and it needs to be addressed in its own way. For most people with intrusive thoughts, there is no intention at all.
In fact, most people have unwanted and disturbing thoughts from time to time. The difference is in how they respond. Some people let the thoughts come and go. Others find them very hard to accept, and worry that the thoughts mean something is wrong with them, or that they're broken in some way. I find that the people who struggle most with intrusive thoughts are often some of the most conscientious and kind people out there.
Why fighting them backfires
Intrusive thoughts are tricky. The more you try to get rid of them or push them down, the more power they gain. It may seem backwards, but trying to get rid of a disturbing thought is one of the least helpful things you can do. Here's why.
When you decide a thought is "bad" or "evil," it becomes a threat. And when a thought is a threat, you start checking whether it's still there. But checking reminds you of the thought, so it comes back — and you check again. You can probably see how this becomes an endless cycle.
If intrusive thoughts are taking up a lot of your day, or you find yourself doing things to cancel them out — checking, seeking reassurance, repeating something in your head — that may be OCD. It's a very treatable condition.
So, should you be worried?
Probably not. Without an intention to act on them, intrusive thoughts are harmless, even when they're very distressing. And the distress is something you can learn to handle differently.
In the next article, I describe some practical ways to do that: How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts. And if this sounds like OCD, there's a page about how I treat OCD.
